Opinion

Dear World,

I am teenager. I am on the cusp of life, a time when my entire life is ahead of me yet I am beginning to feel as if some parts of it are behind me. 

I hate having genuine friends. I hate feeling connection.  I hate how comfortable I feel. I hate how I feel like it’s okay stupid around them.  I hate that I know I’m being genuine around them.

The world has long since held me down and forced me to instill myself with the notion that I am worthless.

I am not.

Or am I?

I grew up in a world that taught me I should be "Ladylike"

My grandparents tell me "Well that's not very ladylike."

My parents say, "Why do you act like that."

What is ladylike?

They call me different because of the way I look, act, learn

But they say it like it's a bad thing

I am different. I am. But I am not embarrassed by it, I am not ashamed.

My favorite flower is a sunflower

Sunflowers represent

Happiness,

Positivity,

And Loyalty

There is more but these I personally think are the best and most important...

What do I do,  

as a black woman, 

when they get control?   

When the consequences 

don't matter anymore? 

When I watch my people 

get bullied, 

a lesbian couple on my bus home from school 

a man in a punk battle jacket on the street 

my mother's female CEO group chat blowing up 

four of my teachers taking the following day off 

I mean what do you even say? I feel like I can't trust my fellow Americans. I'm walking down the street, looking at people. Wondering "did  you vote for the man who wants to take away human rights? MY rights?" How could evil win?

The circus masters release the red beast, 

its mane flowing, great fangs bared, 

ready to take a bite out of the audience, 

Today felt the same as yesterday.   
Nothing changed 
But there was a silence 
That echoed in the voices 
I heard. 

Today felt as if nothing changed.  
I got up, brushed my teeth,  

Today I've walked around school in a haze

I don't know what to do 

How to feel 

I don't understand

How he won again

I don't think I want to understand