Thinking About You
Thinking About You
I never thought about you in the daytime
When the sun spread like melted butter over the dwindling
Blueberry bushes.
I’d scavenge with them
For the tiniest hint of
The sour-sweet fruit, my shirt
Like an apron as I filled it for all of them, waiting
For their delighted faces as they devoured
The last hints of July glory.
So how could I think of you?
My mind was bursting with their laughter.
Every day I bought a matcha latte
And carted water jugs down a steep hill
While you kicked a soccer ball somewhere towns away
Except to me you didn’t.
All I felt was the lingering chill
Of the morning through my sweatshirt
And all I saw were the
Flower fields, the sun a sliver
Above the horizon that still clung to
Summer’s last tendril of green.
Later, I’d sit on the dock, braving
The first tiny needle of water
On my bare feet, calloused from long hot days
While Sarah and I giggled
About whatever game they all were playing, youthful and
Brilliant.
And I didn’t wonder what you’d say
If you were with us, if you’d laugh too
And leave me
Momentarily smitten.
I saw you today, while I was running
And you were standing on that field, the sun
Bleaching your hair golden. I probably looked awful
But I still stopped and stared at you,
And watched your eyes locked with mine, watched you raise your hand.
Almost a wave.
I miss the days lost in my memory, now covered
In a thin layer of nostalgia, the colors of the sky
Brighter somehow. I miss
Their childish stories, soft hands reaching
For mine, their arguments with each other
Voices soft but sure.
I miss wishing
I could return to the folds of their sunlit existence, I miss
Watching them and feeling full.
Because I didn’t think of you, not
Even once. I miss
All the golden strands of moments
That would twist together and break,
Because now I’m
I’m thinking about you now.
The Voice
September 2024
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