1/6/21

One week & 
one day ago, I watched the
Capitol collapse on
CBS Live. 

The day began normally:
Zoom classes that make
my eyes sore & send
sparks of white
dancing across my 
line of vision. Then 
Art came, my 
twice-a-week escape
from reality. Suddenly, someone 
went off mute & said: 
They entered the Capitol.
Four words & I change, 
along with the 
rest of the world. I 
didn't know what had happened, or
what the heck was
going on. So I
turned on a live newsfeed
& just couldn't. 
Couldn't think.
Couldn't feel.
Couldn't breathe. 
I could only watch.

P.E. was cancelled that day 
(Thank you, God),
giving me more time
to watch the news in
the privacy of my room
for more than 
two hours. I called a 
friend of mine that
I had known since
Kindergarten; I 
needed some form of
emotional support. We 
watched as 
Biden demanded an end to this. We
watched as
the Confederate flag
was brought inside the Capitol. We
watched as
Trump said 
We love you.
Three words this time. Three words,
& I change again. 
My hand scribbled words in
small, Carolina-blue ink as the 
news kept rolling in. I was in a
trance, eyes
glued to the screen like I was watching the
last Star Wars movie.
(I didn't like the ending. Rey should have died,)
but I don't want our
democracy to die. It's
too fragile, 
too important,
too powerful
to just die. 

I went to hockey practice;
came home twenty minutes later. The
curfew had been 
extended to 
where I live, & that was the point
where I wanted to cry. I don't like 
crying, but Jesus Christ, I 
really wanted to.

One week & 
one day. 192 
hours, give or take. 
2021 was supposed to be better.
Now I'm only
scared for what the 
future holds in store 
for us.