The ancient Greeks believed that names held power. I happen to agree. 

I don’t remember when I first discovered this truth. It is something I feel like I have always known, since the moment I received my first name. 

My first name was the one my father gave me when he held me for the first time. I liked my name well enough, but it always felt to me like a glove that didn’t fit quite right. That was my name, but I felt no connection to it. It was just a sound. There are certain expectations that come with certain names; a Tiffany is very different from a Jane. The expectations of this first name did not align with who I wanted to be. 

I remember kneeling on the bathroom counter as a young child, staring at myself in the mirror. I whispered my name to my reflection over and over, searching for any relation between the sound leaving my lips and the child staring at me through the glass. I sat there for so long that the steam from my words fogged up the glass and obscured my reflection. The older I became, the more I felt like this name was something more akin to a mask, or maybe a label, than it was to my identity. It was as though my name was lost in translation, so to speak, as I grew up. My name began to eclipse me. That was its power.

It is strange that at birth we are given a sound upon which to shape our identity, before anyone coud possibly know which sound is the correct one. Why is it that the name shapes the person, and not the other way around?

At the age of thirteen, I decided that enough was enough, and I changed my name to my second name, the same one I carry now. The first few times someone called me this name were positively electric. Something about the world, I knew, had shifted. This is when I first realized the incredible power that names hold. Suddenly, I was not the helpless little girl I had once been trapped as, but the intelligent, independent person I hoped to become. The world was easier to navigate. I felt lighter, freer. I could look in the mirror and know who I was. For me, a name made all the difference. That was its power. 

Of course, I have had other names; hundreds of fleeting things that had their moment and held their power. Sometimes, they were wonderful names, spoken with adoration by a parent, a friend, a partner or even a stranger. These nicknames were my shield. They meant that I was safe, cared for, and that I, as a person, was something marvelous. There were evil names, too. These do not bear repeating, for they are repeated enough in my own subconcious. It is difficult to forget the shattered feeling that permeates one’s soul when they are called such a foul word. I will bear those words with me forever. Just as a name had made me whole, these names began to break me. That was their power. 

The Greeks were right: names hold a great deal of power. Take care of your name, and be mindful of the names you give others. These little sounds can alter a person’s life, for better or for worse; that is their power.

I wish for a day where my dreams do not change for each day of the week.

But perhaps I do not.

Because some days I wish for a future where I am always busy, in a city that sleeps even less than I do.

Other days where all I wish for is a quiet life in the French countryside, where my only worry is what I will wear to water my garden.

Yes, these ideas are both fanciful, but it is so much fun to be able to dream mindlessly.

So, a toast to dreams that change daily and to people that do too.

Yesterday I took a moment outside the cafe

And watched people walking by

You would think upon seeing me

Tea in hand

I was at peace

And you are right

But I also find joy in taking moments to just be

Watching the world go round

People walking dogs

Children playing jump rope and hopscotch

Teens giggling over hot gossip

Parents connecting on park benches as their kids play

A runner pausing to catch a breath and stare at the sky

College kids walking to class and moving their head to music only they can hear

My friends making their way through the crowded sidewalk

Seeing me and wanting to know everything

Strangers crossing paths never knowing the one is right next to them

Seagulls dipping in the wind because it’s going to rain tomorrow

Cherry trees blooming and linden almost ready for picking

A chubby squirrel struggling up a tree and a cat lurking in bushes 

I find joy in watching other people find their own joy.