Ripping me apart

I try to stop my thoughts 

I try to pry my eyes off of you

I fight the burning urge to go up to you

I resist the need to talk to you that's clawing at my brain 

You have to do what's best for you

But did you ever ask how I feel about it?

Did you let me have input?

Or did you blindly walk over me? 

I don't blame you

It's not your fault 

I'm not your problem 

My happiness doesn't effect you anymore 

But it effects me

I feel dull and useless 

Void of life and light

Without you I simply can't live well

And I can't have you

You don't want me

You don't wish for my burdens to be put on your shoulders 

You don't dream of my poison spilling into your heart 

You don't see that I've changed either 

I'm better now

Better behaved,

I'm nicer now

I catch my faults

I actually fix the problems I cause

I don't leak toxicity out of my skin anymore 

I don't leach off of your misery 

If you just gave me another chance to be your friend 

I promise to be good 

But all that is a deep fantasy of my greatest dreams 

And I'm only left with these thoughts that are ripping me apart