hardship

I’ve been a pretty independent person my whole life. Where my sister needs more of a push to do things, or someone there to get her through hard times, I’m the one who does it on my own. I remember when I was in 5th grade when we had to learn vocabulary words and I would make flashcards or use the paper given and sit there to memorize them. When I was in 8th grade and my sister was the one in 5th with the same assignment, I remember our mom having to sit with her and get her to complete it, and that memorization was harder for her. It never really made sense to me, the need for other people, or why she couldn’t do it on her own.  

    Don’t get me wrong, as school and classes have gotten consistently harder, I’ve definitely needed help from friends or teachers. Being independent comes in many different forms, and throughout my life it also came in as not accepting help with personal problems or deeper internal issues. I’m very good at either solving them myself or ignoring them. And that’s something I’ve had to do my best to overcome. Accepting help when I need it, or when it’s offered. 

    I was forced into therapy, something I never wanted to do, and it made me incredibly angry to sit in a room and ‘get help.’ Because I didn’t need it. But I think a big part of it for me is not exactly getting help, but more so accepting the help they’re trying to give me. I’m doing my best to overcome it and come to terms with the fact that as much as I’d rather not talk about things, or receive the help offered, sometimes it’s needed, and there’s nothing wrong with that.