The good in me
There is good in me. Even when I think there isn’t. Even when I collapse on the floor and scream to my mom that I am evil, that I am nothing, that I don’t deserve to live. Even when I don’t see it. The good in me comes in many different ways. I give people advice. I comfort them. I am empathic. I care. I eat even when I feel like if I take one more bite my emotions will run rampant and ill end up crying in the kitchen once again, I am good. I am a person who is fighting an eating disorder but is winning, I was only fighting because my family wanted me to but now I am fighting because I want to. I want to get better. Because I look around and see that I deserve it. That my body deserves it. I am a good friend. I care about my friends. They confide in me their worries or struggles and I try to help if that’s what they want if they don’t want help then I just listen to them and try to understand. I am a good daughter. I do what my parents tell me. I’m not perfect, I forget things, and sometimes I don’t respond to texts from my friends that ask me how I am or if they can help. Sometimes I believe that I am poison. Sometimes I believe I am not worthy of friends or family or love. This self-loathing and miserable view of the world is leaving. Usually, it leaves for a couple of days and then comes back crushing my hope that I was healing. But even if it does leave I do not care, because if I felt that love for myself once I will feel it again. I am good. There is good in me. I cannot always see it because my glasses get foggy and my vision is blurred, but it’s there. I cant always hear it because there is a ringing in my ears that overpowers everything else. I cannot always taste it because my tongue feels like it’s rotting. I cannot always feel it because my skin has gone numb from the cold. Even when I don’t know it’s there it is. Even if people feed me empty compliments out of pity I still have the power to make their words true. To make it true that I am good, that I am smart, and that I am enough. It is so hard but I am trying, and I am proud of myself. I am starting to like myself. I don’t know how long it will last because often these things never do. But I am starting to like myself and I hope it stays. I hope it sticks around. I will work hard and be a good student, be a good writer, be a good friend, be a good daughter, be a good sister, and be all of the things I know I can be.
There is good in me. Even when I think there isn’t. Even when I collapse on the floor and scream to my mom that I am evil, that I am nothing, that I don’t deserve to live. Even when I don’t see it. The good in me comes in many different ways. I give people advice. I comfort them. I am empathic. I care. I eat even when I feel like if I take one more bite my emotions will run rampant and ill end up crying in the kitchen once again, I am good. I am a person who is fighting an eating disorder but is winning, I was only fighting because my family wanted me to but now I am fighting because I want to. I want to get better. Because I look around and see that I deserve it. That my body deserves it. I am a good friend. I care about my friends. They confide in me their worries or struggles and I try to help if that’s what they want if they don’t want help then I just listen to them and try to understand. I am a good daughter. I do what my parents tell me. I’m not perfect, I forget things, and sometimes I don’t respond to texts from my friends that ask me how I am or if they can help. Sometimes I believe that I am poison. Sometimes I believe I am not worthy of friends or family or love. This self-loathing and miserable view of the world is leaving. Usually, it leaves for a couple of days and then comes back crushing my hope that I was healing. But even if it does leave I do not care, because if I felt that love for myself once I will feel it again. I am good. There is good in me. I cannot always see it because my glasses get foggy and my vision is blurred, but it’s there. I cant always hear it because there is a ringing in my ears that overpowers everything else. I cannot always taste it because my tongue feels like it’s rotting. I cannot always feel it because my skin has gone numb from the cold. Even when I don’t know it’s there it is. Even if people feed me empty compliments out of pity I still have the power to make their words true. To make it true that I am good, that I am smart, and that I am enough. It is so hard but I am trying, and I am proud of myself. I am starting to like myself. I don’t know how long it will last because often these things never do. But I am starting to like myself and I hope it stays. I hope it sticks around. I will work hard and be a good student, be a good writer, be a good friend, be a good daughter, be a good sister, and be all of the things I know I can be.
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