counting

ten tears that escape from the narrow corners of my eyes

flowing down my cheeks and onto my lap where they melt and disappear

even my tears have lost.

nine questions scribbled into a diary late at night

how can i put my best foot forward if there’s nowhere to go forward to?

someone will answer.

eight words i whisper to myself when i can’t sleep

“you can do it. i believe in you.”

am i lying?

seven fingernails that have been chewed on

they are so worn from the anguish that came with it

well, what else can i do?

six meals i have skipped

i should look my best for the world if i can’t look the best for myself

five rules i have broken

when i’m breaking the rules, am i breaking myself?

four friends that are gone

i’ll be my own friend, but that’s different

three secrets slipped

two smiles vanished

one heart broke.