Thinking About You

I never thought about you in the daytime 

When the sun spread like melted butter over the dwindling 

Blueberry bushes. 

I’d scavenge with them 

For the tiniest hint of 

The sour-sweet fruit, my shirt 

Like an apron as I filled it for all of them, waiting 

For their delighted faces as they devoured 

The last hints of July glory. 

So how could I think of you? 

My mind was bursting with their laughter. 

Every day I bought a matcha latte 

And carted water jugs down a steep hill 

While you kicked a soccer ball somewhere towns away 

Except to me you didn’t. 

All I felt was the lingering chill 

Of the morning through my sweatshirt

And all I saw were the 

Flower fields, the sun a sliver

Above the horizon that still clung to

Summer’s last tendril of green.

Later, I’d sit on the dock, braving

The first tiny needle of water

On my bare feet, calloused from long hot days

While Sarah and I giggled

About whatever game they all were playing, youthful and 

Brilliant. 

And I didn’t wonder what you’d say 

If you were with us, if you’d laugh too 

And leave me

Momentarily smitten.

I saw you today, while I was running

And you were standing on that field, the sun

Bleaching your hair golden. I probably looked awful

But I still stopped and stared at you,

And watched your eyes locked with mine, watched you raise your hand.

Almost a wave.

I miss the days lost in my memory, now covered

In a thin layer of nostalgia, the colors of the sky

Brighter somehow. I miss

Their childish stories, soft hands reaching

For mine, their arguments with each other

Voices soft but sure.

I miss wishing

I could return to the folds of their sunlit existence, I miss

Watching them and feeling full.

Because I didn’t think of you, not

Even once. I miss

All the golden strands of moments

That would twist together and break,

Because now I’m

I’m thinking about you now.