Jordynne

They call it loving a narcissist.

When you love somebody so deeply,

but you can't feel the love they claim to have for you.

You're raised being told they love you.

I was so undeserving,

And yet you were so persistent.

I pushed, and you pulled.

I cried; you held me. 

My heart was broken, 

you repaired it.

When I needed it most, you were there, 

Many kids know what it feels like to be able to live.

No fear, worries, or responsibilities in front of them.

From a young age, I was never one of those kids.

I grew up too fast.

Walk in a straight line they say,

They say you should have moved on by now.

Walk forward and never look back, they say.

Years.

It has taken me years to “walk in a straight line.”

What's it like having an absent father, they all ask.

Going to bed at night realizing he knows everything that goes on.

He knows I am living with such a hateful and neglectful woman.

Your absence leaves a constant hole in the world.

That hole is the space that I go to when I miss you.

But you're not there anymore.