your beauty passed me by

you are like dreamscapes of luxury,
like the wealthy who reap the fruit of inheritance;
conformity that juxtaposes my contrarian eyes–
talk to me of theatre and of inadequacy,
nothing to say—i am your afterthought boy
ignore me and i’ll still memorize your every line
gaze into your starlit eyes like modern art i desperately want to understand
but can’t force into the confines of logic,
because it’s just too beautiful.

let me love you dramatic yet unrequited,
like how antonio loves sebastian;
i’ll be your pop song boy, synthwaves playing
in the rainy backdrops of my conscience,
transfigure me into awkward comments and
notes passed in secrecy,
still i am your invisible boy. fade me into the background—

when i meet her, will your mother
say i endanger you with my androgynous hairstyles,
unhealthy obsession with oscar wilde,
and the way i embrace
my queerness like a lost lover?
and maybe she’ll see gasps of mental illness
covered in thin wedding veils,
when she knows the core of me, will she think i am your liability boy?

probably. so it’s safer that i become
water lost in an endless river–
in this world we share i am your cardboard cutout boy.
watch me reference the homosexual subtext in classic literature,
i am your comic relief boy.
give the class nerd archetype a taste for heartbreak,
a taste for unintended cruelty,
you already have me.
watch me disappear.