Used to be

Your sudden reappearance in my life is surprising and exasperating. 
We cut ties, and I was left utterly alone, don’t you remember?
After you I was alone in the prison of thoughts I had built for myself. 
It's so easy for you to waltz back in, isn’t it? 
While I’m still tripping over my clumsy legs.
I stare at you while you stare at anything that isn’t me. 
Maybe it’s easy for you, but it isn’t so easy for me. 
If I had a choice I’d push you back out
To the place you were before you pushed back into my life. 
It’s hard for me to see you watch her the way you used to watch me. 
But I can’t help but wonder if this was the way it was supposed to be. 
Me, watching from the sidelines, waiting, for just one moment for our eyes will meet. 
But I know that won’t happen because it isn’t how it used to be
Between you and me.