untitled #2

i am learning to live without the idea of you

and i am trying to fill up the empty cave 

in my head, the one you created when you 

fell to the ground and pulled me down with you. 

i wish i could demand to be loved

but i am timid under pressure 

and i refuse to hold up the weight of my own heart

if it means breaking yours.

the shards of you are plunged deep into 

my milky melting skin and for a moment 

i start to hate myself in the reflection

because if this is how you see me

then i do not want to be seen at all. 

my father told me the universe resides within me

but i wish others could see it on my skin, my eyes, my hands, my hair. 

it’s not enough for it to just be in my heart. 

our bodies are built for loving another

but my mind is built for eternalizing another

and here i sit, guilty of your never-ending death,

because i have decided to engrave you

in words into my flesh and the folds of my head

and there you will live like a prisoner in a cage built especially for you

but still you will be a free captive because i cannot 

change your mind or your heart

despite the ephemeral blood that courses through my veins.