today

today, i drop a blueberry on my bedsheets 
and watch as it stains, 
a blotch of dark bruise-purple 
that doesn't come out no matter how much i 
scrub. 

today, my father remembers a me 
that he liked better 
who wrote a book to advise her baby brother 
and tells me that i was sweeter back then. 
i agree. 

today, i ask my friend when a life is 
worth saving, when it means something 
to you? we are messes, flesh and bone and blood, 
but we choose each other, somehow, 
to be saved. 
to be killed. 
to be loved. 
she doesn't know the answer. 
i keep asking. 

today turns to tomorrow, 
a flip of an hourglass, 
and i sit here, writing, 
eyes aching from sleep 
and i hope that today will be better. 
that is all that is needed. 
each day to be better, softer, kinder, 
than the last 
and for each of us 
to make it so 
with each rise of a halcyon dawn.