A Step Forward into Terror

yknow, i thought it might be different.
like i thought everything might be.

i don't know what i thought it would be like. soft smiles, maybe,
"congratulations!" in clapped circles, eyes
creasing as they laugh and grin all for me.

perhaps it was like that, privately. when they wrote me
those cards, sent through the mail or dropped off at my house
or picked up at safe parties.

but now, the morning before, there's nothing.

it's like every other day. quiet. sleepy.
i went to bed late and there's a coffee headache but that's all that's different.
i'm going into something terrifying and yet i can't feel a thing.

tomorrow, i will be somewhere new. an hour away from
my family, more so for my friends, more for my girlfriend.
i'll be living with strangers - that seem nice over text! - but strangers nonetheless.

going into classes, safely, hands wet from sanitizer
masks firmly on everyone during a lecture
'cept for the online ones. and that's fine.

perhaps it hasn't hit yet. the homesickness. even as i sit in my chair, i do not feel a thing.
this time tomorrow i will be gone. my imprint will still be at home, but i will not be.
i should be terrified. it's something new. i'm just a kid. i still want to be.

but i need to leave the nest sometime, don't i?
don't i?