Speckles of yellow

the happiest i've ever been?
i'm not sure. that's not something i remember.
i remember spots across my memories
happy days.

none of them really stand out on their own as being supremely happy.
i'd like to think that they all made me happy
in their own, unique ways.

i was happiest with a person
when i went to a dance with my now ex-boyfriend.
i had a good time, i'd stepped out of my comfort zone
and just had a good time.

i was happiest alone
when i was out in my backyard, staring at the sky
as meteors flew across the night above.
the bugs were annoying, but that didn't dampen my mood.

i was happiest with a gift
when i received a letter from ywp with chocolate inside,
recognition of the writing i'd worked hard to improve.
i was crying when i opened the envelope and read the words.

i was happiest with hard work
when i received my report card for the third quarter this past year.
i'd been struggling with chemistry and trig until midterms, until i decided to try harder.
my grades had gone up. i'd been doing better in both classes.

i'm not always a happy person.
but these moments shape me as much as the rest of them do.
these happy spots in my memories
are what make me smile when the darkness is close.