an ode to an aching space

I hold my mangled tongue
Inside of my mouth 
My teeth were always daggers
Waiting to fall out
I spit blood in the sink
And my reflection stares back
Like she knows what i’ve done 
I keep waiting for a monster to craw 
Out of my throat
    To vacate that aching space
That has begun to mean home
My body is a polite acquaintance
& i view it with amusement,
Counting my own ribs 
    Instead of sheep
       He is always looking for converts &
I stare at my bloodstained hands 
Before i leave a mark on his heart where his 
    God used to be &
My desert is full of empty bodies & broken altars,
I remember my mother's voice telling me that 
We bow to no man 
            So when he tells me to get on my knees
I spit instead & hear my own voice 
On repeat & repeat & repeat,
Ghulhu allah & ghulhu allah 
    You saw forgiveness stuck between my teeth but 
       You do not reach out 
Because God made us to be heathens, 
Didn’t he, 
I have known i was rotten since 
I was 13 & afraid of the hollow space 
Echoing inside of me 
    Is it bad that i see her face 
In every holy thing
Every broken cross 
Every fallen tree 
        They tell me i am bleeding.
         It is not my blood. 
So i stuff firewood into the empty places
I am supposed to fill with gold 
    A funeral pyre in my stomach 
    A burning chapel in my bones. 

 

Nightheart

VT

19 years old

More by Nightheart

  • My People (As Anchors)

    Brown bodies sink, 
    are weighted, stick 
    to the ocean floor, falling
    from overcrowded rafts
    into the arms of their heathen’s heaven.

    Brown bodies are shot over 
    the border like cannon balls.
  • Bluebird song

    Climate Change Contest: Gold

    I. 
    I wish I hadn’t been born in the Age of Extinction, 
    I really don’t think my origami heart was made for this,
  • An American prayer

    This is an American prayer. 
    This is a mother lifting her child onto her fingertips. 
    This is our planes leaving. 
    This is a blurry green shot of a soldier. 
    This is a history book.