Nothing Good Can Stay

It was out of my hands.

My world felt so much different today.

The sky was blank like an empty sheet of paper, the stars weren’t shining with their usual beautiful yellow glow, and the world felt lifeless and still like a paused movie yearning to be resumed. Everything was different.
  
But that’s what I wanted, right?

Nothing was in my control anymore, I had given everything I had for someone who didn’t want me.

I felt dead, I wish I was dead. I didn't want to be reminded of the biggest mistake I've ever made every single day of my god-forsaken life. 

How did I mess up so badly? 

Why could good things never stay? 

Why did bad stuff happen to me? What did I do to deserve this? 

Why did they all leave?

Why did I give them all away?

I try to make excuses but there's nothing that comes to mind. Nothing I say or do will get rid of this excruciating pain that I caused myself.
 
I did this, It was always me. 

It was my fault that I let people blind me from the truth, now 

And now I have to live with this until the day I die. Til the day where I get to leave this earth and see everyone that I have overlooked. The day I die will be my judgment day. 

And that's when I knew it had all fallen out of my reach.