the millionth untitled poem

You say I used to live in another world, one you don't know about
but really
all I am is who I am when I'm with you.
I'll give you my heart, my mind, my soul, the words coursing through my veins
that I whisper into the moonlight, every night, like clockwork
when it's just us,
four girls, 
the palest light streaking down our backs, our hair, the night illuminated by our laughter.
Which four?
There have been so many girls.
But there's only three others, only three other girls, who I love so much they bring stars to my eyes,
girls who've become my sisters, even though they aren't, not really,
girls who I will always put before
all the boys I fall in love with.
(You're one of these girls.
Of course.
Always.)
You always wonder who I once was, my past life, 
and I hate to say I only remember it in fragments, mishmashed bits and pieces that don't quite fit together,
like a window irreparably smashed by a calloused hand, unforgiving 
as pieces of glass rain down polished living room floors.
I remember the screech of the 1 train, the automated voice announcing its arrival,
perpetually telling me to stay away from the yellow line, except when I had to cross it.
I remember the ice cream trucks, the street vendors,
an odd, chemical summer smell I could never place.
I remember the park, the rocks, the playground
flying on a swing, laughing into the sky,
hair flowing behind me
like a waterfall
like fear or happiness,
whatever you decide it should be.
I remember friends and I remember smiles and hugs
like I'd remember a faded photograph of some distant relative from ages ago,
someone, something related to me, but not closely, not something I easily call to mind.
You always stare at me, confused, when I explain this lack of memory,
Come on. You weren't that young, you'll tell me, and you're right, I wasn't.
But you don't understand
that what we've got here, this forest and this town and these rolling green hills
are all I've ever truly known,
and sometimes I forget my past life for entire days,
because I'm a different person now.
The girl I once was has now disintegrated into dust and shadow, 
her time on earth long overdue.
And there I am,
different entirely, still in the same body,
with the same smile and the same dark eyes
but a different mind, a different heart.
Knowing you has done that to me,
changed me, 
and you have to understand--
here I am trying to write the millionth untitled poem 
to make you understand--
that every day, I would choose to forget the sound of the screeching 1 train
and dogs barking
and people shouting over the noise of the city
just to hear your laugh.
You're the reason I leave my past life, my past world in the dust
because your universe is so much better.