Lost but not Forever

I stood at the edge of the shore, the waves hitting my feet. I stared out into the foggy morning. It had been twenty-four hours since she had left. Gone. Forever. And it was all my fault. I kicked the wet sand at my feet and it fell splashing in the salty ocean water. I kicked more sand into the cold water and began running. As I ran it started raining. The cold water hitting my face while tears streamed down it. I yelled out into the empty beach. It wasn’t fair. Why her? Out of all the people in the world, the person I loved most had to go.

I fell onto the wet sand and screamed. The empty hole in my chest was too much. Without her, I was lost. I didn’t know what to do. She was the light that guided me through life. 

I heard tiny footsteps creeping up next to me and then a small hand on my back. I pulled away. I didn’t want anyone but her. I didn’t want to touch anyone but her, talk to anyone but her, all I ever wanted and still want is her. 

“It's going to be ok, Will. It wasn’t your fault. It could have happened to anyone.” A voice said. It belonged to my best friend Amelia. 

“No, it won’t. It will never be ok ever again!” I sobbed. 

“I promise. Time heals everything. You just need to let it help and heal you. And everything happens for a reason and there is nothing you can ever do to change it.”    

I cried harder into the sand, my face covered in the sand with a salty taste from the tears and rain in my mouth.

“I know it’s hard,” Amelia said, “But she would have wanted you to be strong and not suffer like this. She would have wanted you to be happy and move on eventually and have a family with kids. To live in a nice house and love someone new just as much and if not even more than you loved her, but you have to trust me. This will get better.”    

I laid in the sand for a few more minutes. And then I sat up. I didn’t say a word as I reached over and hugged Amelia. I knew she was right but I didn’t want her to be. At all. 

As the months slowly went by it was hard. I felt lost the whole time. The most important thing in my life was missing. It was hard getting through without her but eventually, I did it. 

Five years later Amelia was right. I was happily married to someone who I loved as much as I had her and I had two kids. A boy and a girl. Cindy Lou and Liam. It was the best life ever. It was only missing her. Every day I missed her more and more and I wished she was here and I was married to her. But I couldn’t be and I needed to move on. For her. I had to be strong for my wife and two kids. Because they were the most important things now. I needed to be there for them.