limerence

what can only be described as an unhealthy need for chaos

chaos that fills an emotional void

to be devoid of feeling is to loose your humanity

your identity

your self, and sense of self.

I lost it once, too.

I never did get it back

it came back in fragments

there are many different versions of me

they never work intersectionality

they flicker on and off like lights

no warnings or tell tale signs

one statement

one opinion 

that sparks the match

lights the path

the descent into madness 

I start screaming and crying

like a tall child wearing a trench coat

pockets filled with baggage

I have broken things

like clocks and pencils and toys

I have destroyed things

like drawings and bedsheets 

I have chaffed my own skin

been pricked and poked in the process of this madness

and when it ends?

back to nothingness.