Life Is Hard

Life is hard

I tell myself this every day

Possibly trying to push my feels down

Tell myself everyone has worse problems than me

Tell myself to shut the heck up about my life

“My life is fine” I say

But the problem is that it’s not

My life is not fine

My life is full of anxiety

Of PTSD from my childhood

Of big scary things outside of my brain

Sometimes I am scared of people and what people do to people like me

I lay in bed every night wondering if I am gonna wake up alive

Or if there is going to be a shooting in my neighborhood

Wonder if I will die of a heart attack or anything

I worry about anything and everything

I worry about my nana

I worry about my body

How I look

How I act

How people see me

I feel sad and angry at the same time

Why was I born something I was not

Why can’t 3 billion people see why I have changed to who I am

Why do people not wear masks and invade the capitol

“Why do people hate me” I tell myself

While I have friends

Most of them are backstabbing ones

The kind that you tell a secret to

And they blab about it

I think people hate me because I am lesbian 

I think people hate me for my hair

Or my looks

But no one should hate me

What about me

My inside

ME

FOR WHO I AM

Why

I tell myself

Stop stressing

Act 13

You are 13

But inside I am still a kid who doesn’t want to believe that stuff like that happens every day

Gunshots in schools

Screams from people who are getting strangled under a knee

Someone who died by police in their own home

I cannot change the past 

I cannot change everyone's future 

I can change mine

I dream of being a famous singer

High above the sky though

That’s that

I write song after song 

Explaining me

Why I like girls instead of boys

Why I even try to learn

I am stupid

But I’m not

“But I am not” I say

I have this crush

Not a crush really

More like a connection of love

Whatever

It should disappear

I know my friend’s secrets

I never tell...

But will they tell mine?