let me learn (how to be kind)

I wish that my hands were softer 
meant for holding and loving, the way 
my mother's do. 

I wish that my tongue were not so sharp 
carelessly, unthinkingly cruel, 
that I did not mean to hurt them with what I said. 

I wish that I did not scream when the world 
turned against me, heart hammering through my ribs 
because I hurt, I claw my own skin off, 
I hurt others because I don't know where else to put this pain. 

I wish it was easy to be kind. 

Pick myself off the ground. Breathe, settle my feet in this dirt. Again, I say. Again. 

I can learn how to be kind. I can learn to love the way my family loves me, sweetly, patiently, unconditionally. I can learn how to forgive myself for all I have done because I am heartbreakingly human, because I did my best, I still will, and that's enough. That's enough. 

Listen. 

Things are going to be okay.