i'm in my basement

it's 12am on nine-eleven-twenty-twenty.
my name is rowan, and i am eighteen.
i have struggled. i have cried. i did not think i'd make it this far.
i did not think i'd do half the things i have.

to think that i will be a legal adult tomorrow.
i could vote. i could buy fish at petsmart.
i could apply to places like aldi's and tractor supply.

my birthday, for me, has always been tinged with sadness.

i watch the numbers tick up.
i read the headlines.
suny oneonta shuts down for the semester -
six hundred cases.

i go outside.
i see the masks, worn properly or not.
the spraying of hand sanitizer,