June 8th 11:30 am- 6 days
I have 6 days. Nothing more, nothing less, and that should scare me, make me anxious, something, but it doesn’t. I have a plan.
+++++++++++++
I lie on the too deep couch in my English classroom, my mind full of nothing. I wonder if this is what it feels like to be a popular boy. They have no brains, or at least none that I know of, so no thoughts must be forming. It’s nice. No problems. Everything will be solved in six days. I don’t need to be depressed anymore. No more suicide attempts, this time I’ve got a set date, and then see you later, no more suffering, trips to the therapist, or possibilities of becoming an inpatient at MeadowGrove. The skies are clear, it is June, regents got cancelled so I’m not gonna fail those, and I’m not even going to have to die alone. Oh, I didn’t mention that? I may be the only one happy about this, but we got informed a couple of months ago by the government that the sun is muchhhhhhh older than we thought, or something like that, and well, its time has come. I don’t know about anybody else, and maybe I just don’t care, but I’m going to welcome the apocalypse with open arms.
My classmates and teachers seem to be moving as if they’re in slow motion, they don’t talk much, and they seem like the mentally ill depresso-expresso ones rather than me. It’s nice to be the normal one. Ok, I’m not really normal, but it feels like I am. I’ve never felt that way before. I’m on my way to history. I’m sure we’ll do nothing there too. We all do nothing in class now. We sit in silence, and sometimes the popular blonde girls with the red faces cry, and their faces get even redder, but that’s only sometimes. The sounds of their sobs and the air conditioner’s whirr is all we hear. I lean back in my chair. My history teacher doesn’t reprimand me for doing that today. No familiar story of how many years ago some kid cracked his skull open doing that. It is peaceful, to not be the one crying. To be the one who’s content, who doesn’t have a care in the world. Who can do anything now. Anything. anything. Anything. Wait, anything?
June 9th 4:00 pm- 5 days
When I was younger, I used get so easily obsessed. With things, people, anything that peaked my interest. Now things are different, and I’ve learned to never lean on those people or things, because they’ll just leave me depressed and brokenhearted on the curb, crying into the roughness of my ex’s sweatshirt, but I noticed something. On this beautiful day where cumulus clouds fill the soon to be gone blue sky, I could let myself get obsessed. Because with 5 days, I can do more than I can do with a whole lifetime. No consequences. I can have everything I want. Everyone I want. So I did what I wanted. There’s a boy I grew up next to. His house around the block, and we were always together. Until he went away, and became a big star, glorified and done up, complete with a new nose and a deep voice that captivated audiences and teens watching TikTok edits, but he’s back now, because according to the video I watched made by his band a few weeks ago, he wants to spend his last moments with his family. That’s not really true. I saw him again today. He’s tall and pretty and I would’ve swooned over him if I wasn’t his ex-best friend. His hair was dyed a pretty blue that fit his personality perfectly. I always thought he looked like archaeopteryx, his teeth too small to look right in his big mouth, but since he came back I can’t call him that. He has the smile of a star. When he saw me, he just stood there, and something happened. Clicked within his mind. And then he walked towards me, and we were close. He looked down at me because now he was tall, and my heart beat fast like it always had around him, but this time, his heart beat fast too. I could hear it. His pale face turning a cute shade of red. “Hi” he said, his voice the same but different, and his smile glowing, making him look just like a golden retriever character from a TV show. Nick Nelson from heartstopper, or maybe Gu-Won from my demon. Maybe both. Maybe that’s the reason I thought he was amazing. So in short, Dae Watson has returned, and turned my heart upside down. Or, since he’s just like Nick, he basically stopped my heart, and once again, became my whole world.
June 10th, 7:00 pm- 4 days
I don’t know what is happening. I am not content. I am back to old Esther. Depressed and close to heartbreak, and obsessed. With a boy. History repeats itself, but why now. I was supposed to die satisfied, not longing for someone who’s worlds better than me. Dae doesn’t deserve to have to deal with me. I don’t deserve someone as lovely as him. He’s property of his fangirls, who would probably find me and kill me before the time is up if I even tried to kiss him. He doesn’t belong with me I tell myself, but that’s too hard to do when he’s asleep on my shoulder. Why does he have to play with my heart like this four days before we die? I’m sure he knows I like him. I love him. But maybe he’s just trying to make me happy before I die. Funny. He’s doing the opposite. Dae rises now, realizing he was asleep. He brushes his blue hair out of his face, and looks up at me, his big boba eyes staring. He looks crazed. Wait, what? I know this look. All too well. I’t s the look I’ve always got, but it can’t be. No. Maybe? Ok I think it’s true. And then I know it, Dae is surely lovestruck as he leans over…
+++++++++++++
Holy shit. Dae is in love, and I am in love. And we are going to die in four days.
June 11th 3:09 pm - 3 days
Some things have happened, and if you care to know, read on. Dae kissed me yesterday, and things moved pretty fast after that. We went on our first date and kissed on the bridge in the dark and it was so surreal. I never thought I could be this happy. He’s in my room now, and asleep again. He’s so cute, and I just can’t believe this is my life. I’m happy. Happy. Happy. Oh shit. I’m happy. No no no no no. no. I can’t be happy. I’m going to die. I’m not supposed to be happy with my life, I’m supposed to be happy with death. Shit. No no no no no no no….
+++++++++++++
I don’t want to die anymore, which used to be the goal back when time was normal, but now I’m supposed to want to die. I’m now depressed because I want to live. What the actual fuck.
June 12th 5:07 pm- 2 days
I am crying, because I want to live. What a lovely turn of events. Dae is in my arms, and I feel like a helpless demon. Like I will live on, and Dae will go away forever. Gone forever, ok I was rewatching My Demon with Dae, that’s why making up this nonsense, but it’s sorta how I feel. I literally never get what I want. I wanted to die all the time when I had to live and now I have to die when I want to live. Where is my “I wanna kill myself” attitude when I need it? Why am I always unlucky? Dae looks up and pulls something out of his pocket. I look at him curiously. “Fortune cookie?” He asks. I wipe the tears from my eyes and chuckle. “What’s it gonna say, the end is near?” I unwrap the cookie and break it in half, eating one side and giving Dae the other. I unfold the slip of paper within. It reads: Your intuitions are false, trust the process. My eyes widen and my heart skips a beat, but I won’t let it faze me. We are dying on the 13th. We know this. We think.
June 13th, 12:05 pm, less than a day
I don’t know exactly what time we are supposed to die, but I guess it doesn’t matter, one second we’ll be here and the next we won’t. I pace around, braindead like a zombie, much like the kids at school were. Dae holds my hand. We are outside in my front yard. My parents want me to stick by them, but I just want to be with Dae. I love them, but I really love Dae. He brought some sodas and lawn chairs and we set them up, so we can watch the sun explode. It will be a stunning sight, what we see of it. I’m sure. Then all of a sudden the birds stop chirping, and the leaves stop rustling in the trees. Everything is quiet. My parents rush outside. We know what happens now. Dae and I take our places, holding hands, drinking creme sodas, waiting, and then we see something come from the corner of the sky. It’s an airplane. From the ground, all we can hear is the far-away whirr of the propellers. Suddenly, the skies open up, or actually the plane opens up, and drops something out of it. It looks like confetti. The things slowly float to the ground like those helicopter seed pods that fall from the trees in the summer. One drifts close to us. Dae reaches one long arm up, reaching, like Bo on the go reached for the floating glittery keys, and he catches it. It’s about the size of printer paper, just it’s purple like the quadratic formula sheet we got for algebra 1. Wait, it is printer paper. Dae lowers it so I can see it. We stand quietly to read the bolded lettering.
+++++++++++++
Holy shit. We are not going to die. I never knew people in government could make such dire mistakes. Hah. What a laugh.
Comments
Log in or register to post comments.