Gone

I'm crying and crying and tears are spilling over my laptop as I write
I can't write fast enough
My words are broken short and stubby
It doesn't matter because nothing I write can express my grief
I love this place for giving me somewhere to write my broken thoughts like a family 
I haven't met but through poem
I am devasted dead dead dead dead dead
I just can't 
I start homeschool and public school but all my friends are just friends
They don't know me
Except for her
Her
She's dead
She died
I can't 
She loved me and I loved her
Best firends?
More like sisters
More like soulmates
More like we knew everything about eachother inside and out 
Outside and in
EVERYTHING
How? How? How?
She was only 12
How?
She's dead
She's dead
She's dead
And I can't wrap my brain around it 
I still almost knock on her house door sometimes or text her number on my phone
And then I catch myself
Remembering
And launch into another round of tears
I don't think I should keep on living
Not without her
But I will
For my parents and my siblings and my dog
Not that they will ever amount to her
How could she die and leave me alone to face the world
And my friends who barely know me
And my family who acts so sad
But they didn't know her
Not truly
I KNEW HER
Better than her parents better than herself

It's called love
I now realize that everything else I have said I loved
My Dog, My Parents, My Siblings, Clothes

Is fake

My love for her was deep and real and infinite

And will never
Not ever

Go away

But she went away

And I can't