The Girl I Used To Be

I think often of the girl I used to be
I think often of what she would say about me
I guess I might be different from what she expected
I am not the same person, I have grown and accepted
That I will always be too much and too loud
That I am now and forever on the edge of the crowd
That I will never look like the girl in my head
That I will never, not ever be anyone’s friend
That I am always wrong and will never be right
That I will always lay awake in the night
And wonder what happened to make me how I am
And I wish I could go back, take her by the hand
And I wish I could wrap up in my arms
And I wish I could help her and shield her from harm
But I can’t and I didn’t and I failed to protect her
And now I am older and wiser and sadder
And I can no longer escape to stories in my head
And I will think of her often until I am dead
And I’ll think of her softness, of her hurt, of her pride
And I’ll carry her with me and she’ll still at my side
I’ll always think of her often and she’ll make my chest ache
And I will always be her greatest mistake.