The Extent of Forever

“This is forever, right?”

“What do you mean?”

“I mean, I don’t want anything to change between us. Ever. We’ll always be together . . . right?”

“Of course. Kai, look at me,” Silas brushes a strand of hair behind my ear, cupping my face in his callused hands. “I will always love you.”

Even after four years of meeting Silas’s eyes when he looks at me, I still blush at the intensity of his emotion. “I love you too,” I whisper, letting my head fall against his chest and wrapping my arms around him. 

Students trickle past us on their way to various after-school activities and clubs. I quit the few hobbies I actually feigned interest in years ago, and haven’t made any attempt to try any new ones. Not since I met Silas. Consequently, all the adults in my life are constantly patronizing me with lectures on “career goals” and “planning my future.” It’s gotten infinitely worse with the start of senior year and the distinct lack of noteworthy material on my resume. 

“KAIRA!” I hear my sister’s voice from the parking lot, accompanied by a loud honk. Connie is a year younger than me, but she’s about five times as smart and passed her driver’s test (unlike me) on the first try, so I have to suffer the constant shame of being driven around by a sixteen-year-old (at least when Silas is busy).

I give Silas a quick peck on the lips and hurry towards my sister’s inevitable string of complaints. Bracing myself as I slide in next to her, I’m shocked when she turns to me with an air of conspiratorial excitement. 

“Did you see her?”

“What?” I ask, confused, “Who?”

“The new girl! Crystal Rose Campbell.” 

“Her name is Crystal Rose?” I smirk.

“Yeah, and she’s absolutely gorgeous. I’d keep an eye on that boyfriend of yours if I were you.” The way she says it tells me she’s joking, but I still feel a little twinge of something like paranoia. I quickly push the sensation away, force a chuckle, and proceed to chew on my nails for the remainder of the drive.

During lunch the next day, I’m sitting on a mound of yellow ginkgo leaves beneath my favorite tree, waiting for Silas. I see him approaching from across the quad, accompanied by a mysterious silhouette. When they finally reach me, my eyes widen. Standing beside my boyfriend is the prettiest girl I’ve ever seen. Shiny hair, perfect face, adorable yet modest floral romper . . . and that still doesn’t even begin to describe her. To make matters worse, she smiles at me.

“Hi, I’m Crystal Rose. You’re Kaira, right?”

“Yeah,” I mumble. The two of them sit down, and I immediately snuggle up against Silas, who looks vaguely confused.

“Yesterday was Crys’s first day here, and I thought we could help her get adjusted. It turns out she went to the same elementary school as me, right Crys?” Silas turns to her.

“Yep. I remember you used to have the most horrendous haircuts, and you wore this crazy neon green T-shirt like every day,” she giggles. 

“Oh my gosh, I totally forgot about that!” he laughs.

“It’s okay, your style has definitely improved since then.”

They continue in this fashion for the rest of the period, until it’s finally time for me and Silas to head to English. As we walk away from Crystal Rose, he asks, “Isn’t she nice? I thought you and Crys would hit it off right away.”

I shrug, trying not to betray my jealousy. “I guess she’s nice. But is that really reason enough to drag her around everywhere we go? What happened to us? Is that not enough for you?”

“Jeez, I just invited her to lunch with us once, no need to get worked up about it.”

“I’m just saying that—”

“That I can’t hang out with anyone besides you? I didn’t know you were so insecure, Kai. Don’t you believe me when I say I love you?”

I notice that he doesn’t say “always” this time. That’s how I know this is the start of the end. I want to say more, to apologize, to do something to fix things. But I remain silent, because anything I try now is going to make it worse.

After school, I head straight home, and the following day I spend lunch hiding in the girl’s restroom, sparking flashbacks from the first day of seventh grade. I don’t know what to do. In all the years we’ve known each other, I’ve never had a fight with Silas. At least nothing this serious. Who knew that this was all it took to shatter a bond I thought was unbreakable? Even if we manage to make amends, our relationship won’t be the same. It will be forever dented, just because of a few hurtful words. 

I avoid Silas’s attempts at communication all week. I know I’m making it worse, but I still don’t know how I’m going to face him. Finally, on Tuesday afternoon, I agree to meet him at the ginkgo tree. 

I trudge over to him, gazing intently at the leaf-littered grass. A shadow approaches, until I can smell the familiar pine of Silas’s coat. Slowly, he reaches out and tilts my face up, forcing me to meet his eyes. “I’m so sorry. I love you, Kai.”

“I know,” I breathe, struggling to prevent myself from melting into him. “But what happened to always?”

“I—I don’t know. I love you, I really, truly do. Forever and always. I just don’t know how long forever is anymore.” 

I start to pull away with a sob, but he wraps me in a hug and I can’t resist any longer. Honestly, I’m not satisfied with Silas’s assurance, but I try to comprehend the meaning of his words. Is he right? Can forever be temporary? My heart shivers at the thought. All I’ve ever wanted was to find my soulmate. Now I’ve found him, and suddenly our future is no longer in the hands of destiny. All that remains is the present, and no matter how much I cling to this moment, eventually it’s guaranteed to dissolve into the past.