An Essay To Edit

i pressed backspace to remove
the actions that i wish
never happened,
all the words i am sorry to have said,
the decisions i regret,
and the people that were a negative influence.

when i was quiet and meek,
so that my voice was lost in the voices of others
i typed in caps lock,
turned whispers into shouts.

multiplied the hours
when i felt that i belonged
and subtracted the time i spent
drowning in toxicity.

escaped the words too harsh,
too cold for me to hear,
the comments that tugged
at my self-esteem.

inserted passion where it was lacking
used arrow keys to draw a different path;
ctrl-ed the anger that hurt those close
and the stress that brought me down.

enter.

but shouldn’t i appreciate the mistakes made,
be glad that errors are in the essay of my life,
the uncapitalized letters, misplaced commas, 
the whole paragraphs needing revision–

because if i submitted an artificial work
then only a shell would remain
and i wouldn't really be myself?

ctrl-z.