Celebrating, Identifying, but not throughly Practicing

candles melt, I am running out of time

the husky rolling of R's in the only two prayers I know.

no torah reading, no smiling grandparents. 

How do i identify as something so close to me, 

yet I am so far from it?

the knife slices through the apples

Each slice is a close blow to my chest.

The wine on my pinky

drips down onto my white plate. another drop of regret 

dangling in the back of my throat.

How can i identify as something so close to me, 

yet I am so far from it?

A new year, or a day to atone

my religiousness, always monotone.

I try to think it's not my fault

two sides tore me 

nothing to bore me. 

Just the deep, swishy feeling 

I know i will never have a bat mitzvah 

That doesn't scare me. 

but how will i identify as something so close to me, 

yet I am so far from it?

 

crisscross

NY

16 years old

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