Can't Get Past Vanilla

I can't get past vanilla.
I'm stuck on those shavings, swimming through them, forcing myself
To sugary twists of the times I've messed up stifling my coughs shoving myself forward
All
All those times.
And you are there.
And so are you.
But I can't get past the vanilla.
It tricks me.
Ha, it winks, it winks at me, I can't get past it.
You are there.
So are 
You...
And I want that.
Doesn't everyone, I want those moments
Those impossible, intangible moments, my red hot peppers laughter scratchy throat caught breath moments
With you.
And you're there too. 
I can't get past the vanilla, I'm crying, swimming drowning flailing
Smiling

I wish for mint and lemon and Chipotle meals in the car cheese stuffed down throats caught breath moments
You
Are 
There. And so are you.
Why
Can't I
Get past
Vanilla...