Bittersweet

You pulled up in your old, green car and gave me that same look you used to give me so many years ago. You were the same. The same smile and striped shirt and curly hair. 
But I felt different. I was different. Different from the young and naive girl I used to be. I wasn’t the girl who wished on dandelions anymore, I had a life now. Now suddenly you popped back into my life without warning. 
It had been so many years since I had seen you and I didn’t know what to say. Should I bring up the past? The past I tried to forget and convince myself it meant nothing. But did it mean nothing? Standing there I found myself thinking no, it didn’t mean nothing, it meant something. As much as I hated to admit it you had meant something to me. You still did. 
I used to be happy once. Truly happy. But I was blind to the truth by the thick cloud of happiness that floated around me. The truth that you weren’t good for me. 
When you left the cloud was lifted and all I was left with was the feeling of what used to be. I clung to that dwindling feeling but even that faded. It never came back.
I like to think I’m happy now. Happy in this big house full of insignificant objects. But I’m not. 
But as I stood there on the porch, you giving me the same look you gave me so many years ago, I knew this was my chance to maybe finally be happy. 
Can we change the past? No, we can’t. We can’t change the fact that you left and that I moved on. 
But maybe we can shape our future.