autobiography

her hands are chapped and raw from anxiously 

peeling away her skin

so she goes through every fidget she can find

and wears them down until they break.

her lips and nose are red and cracked

so every night she scrubs them clean

and paints them with vaseline

just in case they heal before her nails ruin them again.

she is always sick with a common cold

ignores her body begging her

to slow down and rest

but she grabs tissues

and cough drops 

and drags herself out of bed.

she tells herself she loves food

all the while knowing she should eat

more but it feels like

her stomach has shrunk

so she cooks for her family and brings her friends lunches

packed with the food her body needs.

her flesh rebels against her

aching and snapping and flaring up at heat or cold

she's desperate to lie down and sleep 

but she has an image to keep.

she's always been an emma

while people find their other halves

her pride reigns strong except in her dreams

where her heart gets to be lizzy.

she is wise beyond her years

and dances her way through the tears

she gives loans of her heart and soul and recieves them back

battered and torn

so she decorates duct tape to look shiny and new

patches herself up

forgives but never forgets.