At the apex of an almost kiss
The tracing of a cupid's bow
Unsure if I dare get caught If I dare admit I'm praying to be
The juxtaposition of wanting
To spill my sins like this is a confessional Or to be silenced and unassuming Wishing either would satisfy me when suddenly-
Suddenly i'm on fire and frozen
Suddenly I need it- them- more-
They’re touching my neck and- yes -This
right here, all I have ever surmounted for one indefinite-
Wait, no-
I realize I shouldn't do this anymore-
Not that I can't, nor that my will won't allow
But that I shouldn't
I really really shouldn't and-
First apart falls my face
Pierced in half, soft touches melting
My eyes roll back into my head
A moan presses behind my teeth, insistent and please
I realize I cannot pretend.
Not for another second.
And for a moment I almost-
But then again I shouldn’t-
The warmth I feel spreading is undeniable,
And I will not be denied
This I must indulge, As though I deserve it at all
Wishing only to hear testimony spilling out of them
But the devil has his hand Twisted in my hair,
Pushing me down dangerously into lust As if I'm not begging for it, whore-ish
As though I'm not needy for it, depraved I put their fingers on my skin like
That ain't the worst form of self sabotage If the albatross around my neck could only
Become their hands tighter tighter tighter- wait-
I fall prone on my Knees, hands behind my back
Swearing I've never Been here before,
Head bowed and pleading for them, like this
Isn't natural for me, like I don’t fall into place beneath them so perfectly I'd swear they know exactly how they destroy me
If it weren't for That stupid innocence
Too sweet for my atrophied fuckery
untouched even in the face of my corruption
I would say I want to ruin them
If it weren't for my own perverted habit
Of wanting to be so ruined myself In the most desperate way imaginable
I shove my head into a pillow like that will silence anything more than The depraved noises Anguishing from my body Eventually I resurface, wave crested and fallen
Then Curious eyes beseech me To placate with a hopeful normalcy
And the devil's hands retreat, if only for a moment
Atrophy
More by PDXmarvel
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cruel indulgence
I find nothing wrong in
Slowly destroying myself
In search of a way
To fulfil this raw need of mine
I see no flaw in
Finding different ways to deny myself:
A guilty pleasure of mine that Isn't always easy to reconcile -
To know a god (updated ‘albatross around my neck’)
I imagine large expanses, hills rolling like wrinkles in a carpet. Trees cover the green tapestry, creating a scape of wolves and monsters. A rugged place, daring me to prove myself worthy. -
gillian
I couldn't figure out what I wanted to write about
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