eyesofIris

i’m mastering the art of saying hello
in Korean;
the days walk past,
nodding over their shoulders
at me in greeting,
casually ignoring the reality of
what they hold.
today i learned how to introduce myself
in Korean.

if i was a stone arch,
that little stone in the center
who holds everything together
would collapse
under the weight of
all the pressure i feel.
 
in second grade,
i write. i make
up stories about families

i shouldn’t like you.
every time we’re together,
i burn internally,
an inextinguishable flame
that grows and grows with
each moment,
an exponential enemy
that will not escape.
 
i really shouldn’t like you.

it seems like the reprise of my life.
all these days i’m pouring out my feelings
into word documents,
with some fancy title.dox
hoping that maybe this sequence of syllables
is the right one,

how have you hidden this time around?
i will steal the car from the garage if it means
i’ll find your key ring somewhere on church st
because if ever there was a portal to heaven
it surely would exist under leunig’s where

the truth is
i never wanted to say goodbye
i never wanted the sun to set
or the stars to appear amidst 
the darkness, i never wanted to
part ways. i never wanted 
to feel alone, i never
wanted to wish i wasn't